I really don't know...

For some reason I feel compelled to write about economics, which I have very, very, very little understanding of. So. Yeah. I'm likely going to say things that are inaccurate. But I completely own the fact that I could be wrong. These are just thoughts I had and I wonder if anyone else has had them.

So, trickle-down economics says that we give tax cuts or money or opportunity to people and/or businesses at the top of the food chain. They use their money to invent new products, to expand their production, to invest in other businesses. As a result, more people have jobs and eventually they can put their money back into the economy by purchasing the products they are helping to make. Right?

Giving the money and/or tax cuts to the people at the bottom of the food chain is seen as not effective for the expansion of business etc. because the people with the ability to do so aren't willing to put their money into production, expansion, hiring, etc. because they have higher tax rates and the like.

The benefit eventually flows down the system to the little guy who sees an improvement in standard of living. And I have heard that in the past it has been effective, but not in time to get a president re-elected - so it takes years.

This is my understanding of trickle-down econ. It could be wrong. If it is, please instruct me!

Here is my question: why not go the other way? Why not give the benefit to the little guy first? If the little guy can pay off his debts, he will feel more secure about spending money and putting it back into the system. She will buy more, and will be able to buy the things she really wants to buy. Companies who make things that people want will gain the profits from those sales. Capitalism will be at work. Eventually the money will trickle UP the system so that the companies who are good at what they do and make products that people want to buy (as opposed to the companies that can get the tax breaks etc.) will benefit and can put their profits into research and development, expansion, hiring etc. In the mean time, increased sales means more people need to work, so more people get jobs. These people who now have jobs can more confidently put their money into the system, and the benefits increase exponentially.

This way seems to reward the businesses that do the best job, who are the best at customer care, and who are innovative at working with what they've got. Which seems very "American way" to me.

Trickle-down econ may work in the long run, but until those benefits make it down to the bottom of the food chain, the majority of the people do not benefit. The big guy benefits.

On the other hand, if you give the money to the little guy first, only the companies with the money on hand to begin with will be able to compete for those dollars that are now going into the system. So bottom-up econ may not work either - I don't know.

But it seems that in this age of a Global Economy, everything is so complex that I don't think anyone can say with 100% confidence that their way is RIGHT. The world is just too complex. There are too many variables. And true experiments are impossible and/or unethical.

So yeah. If I'm wrong, I'm willing to hear it. But know this: I've heard about economists on both sides of a given issue be completely confident in their diametrically opposed viewpoints. So I guess I'm skeptical of the whole thing...

I wrote these thoughts down at work today which I may or may not revise at a later time::

What am I willing to give up to get a Ph.D.?

Time with friends?

Time online?

Time @church?

sleep?

tv/movies?

So far, the answer has been: nothing. I do not want the Ph.D. enough to sacrifice these other things.

So why am I here? I do like to teach. I feel comfortable when I teach. I slip into it so easily. I lose track of time and m problems. I feel like it is one of those things I was made to do.

But I am not made to do the Ph.D.. I am able to do it, technically. I have the intelligence, skills and resources to get it done. Just not the desire or willpower. And not having it done and not wanting to work on it rather makes me miserable.

I didn't count the cost very well before coming here, but do I regret it?

My experiences here have formed me into the person I am now. And I like that person - the vast majority of the time. I'm not perfect, but I am comfortable & happy with who I've become. and the potential for who I have become.

I have made the best friends of my life here. Not some of. THE. BEST. And I don't think I would have met them otherwise.

I have also gotten teaching experience & support. I am not sure I can do justice to the sigh of relief I felt when I started teaching. All through high school and college I had this niggling thought that I was meant for something & I hadn't found it yet. I had no idea where to go next, what to aim for. And my college advisor helped me uncover my love of teaching and sent me to someone else who helped me aim for UNH & a career teaching college. Once I started, I felt way more fulfilled in who I am.

So no, I don't regret the major steps that have brought me here.

Wants and needs

I am so dissatisfied with my life right now. I'm so jealous of where other people are and what they have. And I don't know how to change any of it.

I don't have grand ambitions. I don't want to be a well-known researcher, win lots of awards, and be a revered professor. I don't want to be President or Senator or Representative at any level of the system. I don't want a recording contract or a major book deal. I don't want to show up in magazines and have everyone know my name.

I just want a husband. I want to love and be loved. To have children and raise them to love and be loved. I want a quiet, content life.

I know that there are many, many people who love me and who I love. But they have their own families, their own significant others, their own vacations and jobs and lives. My life intersects with theirs at certain points and for certain times, but there is no one who is mine and whose I am. So none of that seems to count.

And tonight, as the tears stream down my face and my hands shake sometimes from all this raw emotion, it's all I want. It seems like all I need to get through another day. And I don't have it.

Ah, spring...

Sometimes, I am reminded very suddenly that I am single. 

When I am occupied, when I am busy, when I am doing something, life is good. Dating vs. single doesn't matter. My life is good. I am fine.

But then something simple will distract me and remind me of what I'm missing out on.

And my stomach will drop 3 floors down.  Into a space that doesn't even exist. 

Tiller

George Tiller's murder saddens and disgusts me.

I mourn. 

I mourn that a man was killed.  I mourn that he was killed in his church - a place associated by many with safety and refuge.

I mourn that this murder will only serve to polarize the views of the majority of the people who hear about it.

I mourn that so much that brings grief is done in the name of God - my God.  So much that I think is antithetical to His Name and word.

I am disgusted that so many are rejoicing at his death. I am disgusted at the crass, vulgar, inhumane, and hateful way they show their "love" of life.

I am disgusted that this event will give ammunition to those who despise those they label as anti-choice.

I can understand the passion that both sides of the abortion issue hold.  I do not understand the violence that takes place as a result of this disagreement.

And that's all that I can put words to tonight.

May tomorrow bring grace. 

(His mercies are new every morning)

May tomorrow bring peace and gentle, respectful conversation.

Two lists

What I would like to do with the rest of my day:

• Make and eat mini-place-and-bake-cookies, because they are nom nom good.
• Watch 'Dial M for Murder,' which came from Netflix.
• Watch 'Wall*E,' which I bought for cheap the other day.
• Finish "Girl Meets God," which was a gift from a friend and I am half-way through.
• Eat a delicious meal prepared by other hands, which I cannot afford right now.

What I should do with the rest of my day:

• Clean the toilet.
• Put away the dishes I just washed when they dry.
• Decipher my adviser's handwriting and make changes to the proposal chapter I finally got back from her.
• Change my address with a few remaining agencies/publications.

List #1 would be more fun.

List #2 would be more grown-up.

*sigh*

on torture

One of the gifts my parents gave me was the fact that they meant what they said. When they said bring up your grades or you'll be punished, they meant it. I didn't bring up my History grade, and so I was punished.  When they said "I love you," I knew they meant it.

Stephen Colbert says that he won't let his kids watch his show so that when he tells them that he loves them, they won't think he's being sarcastic. (See this interview at 3 minutes in.) To me, it's the same principle, and it's a very important gift to give your children.

As an adult, I want people to mean what they say. I use sarcasm sometimes, and I may even fall back on it too often, but I hope that the people in my life believe me when I say the important, and even not too important things. 

I want justice to be upheld. I want to know that the law has power. I want to know that the justice system will work for me, my parents, my sisters, my future children, and everyone I love. I want to know that when a law, and its corresponding punishment, is written, voted on, and enacted, it has power. It means what it says. 

"Here is what you should do.

Here is what will happen if you don't."

"Here is what you should not do. 

Here is what will happen if you do."

This is why I believe that those that ordered, authorized, and justified torture should be investigated, prosecuted, and punished if found guilty. 

Because if those laws, agreements, conventions, and standards of decency do not mean what they say for those at the highest levels of our government and military, then they have no meaning for the rest of us. 

And I am not OK with that. 

(To say nothing of the fact that I am not OK with torture at all. )

I want to live in a country in which it is possible to be an idealist, and not to have to resort to defeatism and disillusionment.

and now...

I can't sleep for fear/in anticipation of a re-run of last night's dream.

frick.

I've got Dumbledore running through my head - "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

Of course, it could be caffeine. But that seems too easy of an explanation. 

last night

In my dream, he was in charge of organizing a fireworks display.
While he was telling me about how they wanted a 2 hour show, the fireworks company could only do an hour and a half, and how many people they were expecting, and about the busses to bring people from their cars to the waterfront, I suddenly realized that my arm was draped around his neck and his hand was holding mine, and oh, his hands are soft, and my, it feels nice to be pulled against his side like this, and those butterflies in my stomach get agitated when he looks at me like this, and why don't I just rest my head on his arm, and yes, even though this is a dream, that sounds JUST LIKE his voice.

oh no. 

this is only a dream. 

rewind. play.

rewind. play.

rewind. play.

rewind. play. 

soak in every detail. revel in this feeling, for you will wake up to an empty house and the memory of the boy who held your hand, in a dream.

(I'm pretty good at emo, huh?)

Shopping List

I filled out a rental application for the beautiful big girl apartment I really want today.

I am 99% sure I will get it. 

I am EXCITED!!

So I'm making a shopping list for things I will need/want for the new place:

• 2 Large Rubbermaid containers for the basement, which is apparently kind of damp
  
• wet jet solution for hardwood floors
• laundry detergent for efficient washing machines, which my generous mother is getting me!
• window treatments
• welcome mat
• shower mat
• kitchen trash can
• sweater storage
• winter coat storage (maybe a stand alone closet for the basement?)

I'M SO EXCITED!

Design

Last night's dream had my subconscious turn me into a research designer, librarian, manager of a cubicle farm, writer for Gossip Girl, set designer, prom committee chair, lesbian, summer camp director, creator of new species of strawberries that grow underwater (gross!), and book cover designer.

The book cover was so vivid that I feel like I should produce it for some future author that wants to write a book called 'Petites.'  It would be an exposé of the lives of teenage socialites. (Why one would want to write this book I'm not sure. Isn't that why we have Us Weekly and the like?)

It's a simple cover. Black background. Vertical stripes - very thin, bright rainbow colors. The title and author info are printed in the middle. (A block of the stripes is cut out.) The text is white, very delicate, and in something like Futura font. But thinner. Lighter. Delicate-er. There is significant space between the letters, and they are all in caps - the title anyway. I don't remember the (fictional) author's name.

So there you have it. Someone with design programs could probably pop that out easily. And I would be attracted to that cover. So. I might buy that book. Because, let's face it. I judge books (partially) based on their covers.

Easter!

Easter is coming!

So some friends of mine have made their top ten Easter traditions posts. 

Easter was never a HUGE deal with my family growing up - we didn't do Easter baskets or find eggs on Easter morning, but I'll see what I can do to knock out my own list (in no particular order).

1. Starburst jellybeans. So delicious. So juicy.
2. White straw (i think) hats. We had a couple of Easter hats when I was little. I remember one Easter when I got to wear my favorite dress (a white one with smocking my mom made me) and one of the hats. I was very excited. There's a slide (as in sit around the projector and look at slides together) of the three of us in hats and our pretty dresses.  This was during my super-girly phase. There might even have been gloves.
3. Choir specials. The church I grew up in and the one I spent most of college going to had pretty darn good choirs.  My senior year in college, in particular, the choir music was SO AMAZING. It lifted me right out of my seat. I love a good choir special.
4. The beginning of Spring. I appreciate the timing of Easter so much more now that I live in New England and cannot see the ground for the 4 months leading up to Easter.  I love the color green, that it represents life, and that it reappears at Easter time. 
5. Coloring eggs. For many of my elementary school years, we would go to Knoxville to visit Grandma and Grandpa for Easter.  We would color eggs, hide them in the den, find them, and then repeat the process over and over.  After a while, we got my aunt and uncle to hide the eggs because we were using the same hiding places over and over and it was getting too easy. To this day, the smell of vinegar reminds me of coloring eggs.
6. Shevenell home group Easter day. My home group is the core of my New Hampshire family. My first Easter in grad school, they invited me to join the four of them for Easter dinner. It felt so much like home - nerd parents and two little sisters, one more talkative than the other. The following years it has turned into a gigantic pot-luck, followed by desserts galore, quick nap/rest time, family walk, game time, and then home group meeting. We celebrate Easter ALL DAY LONG!
7. Oooh! Children's choir. My current church usually has a children's choir on Easter Sunday. All the adorable little kids in their Easter best, belting out songs about Jesus. SO CUTE. (Gina, please tell me Louisa will participate in a few years!)
8. Lent. This year I actually participated in Lent - to a degree. It was my first Lenten experience. I know that some people don't believe that we should mourn Christ's death when he is risen, and I can see the reasoning behind that.  So my Lent practices were not to make me suffer or mourn, but more to help me be aware of things that I know I should think about, but normally don't.  It's kind of an attention-getter for me. And I think it was good for me.  It's nice to have a special time to do the things you always mean to do, but somehow don't always get to.  Like saying 'I love you' on Valentine's Day. You always mean it, but sometimes forget to say it because the cares of life get in the way.
9. Cadbury eggs.  I am not a huge fan anymore, but this was the one way my mom would celebrate Easter (commercially) when we were little and WOW I enjoyed them then. So messy.  (Halloween is marked with candy corn and candy pumpkins, Christmas with red & green m&m's and Dove promises. Daddy gets us Whitman Sampler hearts for V Day.) 
10. Pastel m&m's. They DO have little bunnies printed on them. 

Candy sure does seem important for my celebration of major holidays. Also, I'm running out of ideas. Like I said, Easter wasn't a huge momentous thing for us growing up. Not like Christmas is. I'll do a top 20 list for Christmas. :)

things I have accomplished today:

1. Got up when the alarm went off (ish)
2. Started work at 9am
3. Sudoku
4. Crossword puzzle
5. Laundry
6. Meeting
7. Gym
8. Put 3 articles into my chapter (!!!)
9. Ate some leftovers

And I hate to leave it at 9 things, but that's all I've got. 

And it's only 7:17!!

Enterprise

There is a city in southeastern Alabama named Enterprise. Back in the day, the economic/agricultural livelihood of the city was from cotton, like a good bit of Alabama. Then one year the Boll Weevil came to town. And ate all the cotton.

In response to this devastation, the people of Enterprise decided to switch their main crop over to peanuts. And everyone lived happily ever after. 

Especially the boll weevil, who got a statue made in his honor. 

See?

I went to school at Auburn University. At Auburn, Homecoming is a BIG DEAL. Pretty much everything to do with football is.

The ladies that want to be homecoming queen go through (what I consider to be) a trying ordeal.  They spend the week leading up to the vote walking around in a dress suit, surrounded by a posse (who are all also wearing suits), soliciting votes.  They design cards to win votes, and these are actually highly sought after because they have coupons to local restaurants on the back. They also make a giant version of the cards and prop them up in trucks and park them downtown all week (apparently the ticket ladies respect this sacred tradition).  All this craziness and I never cared.

Until...

2002 when Amy Beth Hulsey (Biomedical Sciences major)* ran. She was from Enterprise. Her card was pink. I don't particularly care for the shade of pink she used. So I was even less likely to vote for her.  But then I read her slogan. 

"Vote for Amy Beth! She's Unbollweevable!!"

I was sold. I think that was the only time I voted for Homecoming Queen. 

She won, of course.

---------------------------

*I think this is the right one. I couldn't find a chronological listing to triple check.

Also, this post is dedicated to Gina Henker. 

Purge

I am planning on moving in about 2 months. 

I don't have a place lined up, because apparently that's not how they do things up here. You look, you sign a lease, and move in all in one week. Or something like that.

I'm really looking forward to this move. Really.

I can't wait to make a cozy home for myself. Just for me! No compromises, no awkward dance over how to load the dishwasher, no putting up with someone else's art or taste in music.

I am also really excited to purge my belongings of the things that I don't need or even really want. And to organize the things I want to or should keep. 

Really excited. 

I'm somewhat of a pack-rat/magpie.  I keep things around for a while, and I tend to compulsively buy 'shiny' things. But lately I have been thinking about simplicity. I have been craving simplicity. 

I want simplicity because I want to have a comfortable home with a place for everything, and everything in its place. And since I want a one bedroom apartment, and I'm a graduate student, that place will be small. I want to have what I need and no more. 

I want to HAVE simplicity - to carry it around with me - because I want to have the freedom to say no when I face the temptation to buy the newest cleaning phenomenon, that same shirt in 5 different colors, another purse, or the trinkets that somehow make it into my shopping cart.  

I want to be free from my possessions. I want order.

Thus, the purge. Eliminate what I don't need. Organize what I do.

Because really, it comes down to trust. Do I trust that God will provide for what I need? Or do I think that I need to get it all for myself? Instead of holding onto things and grabbing for whatever catches my eye, I should be clinging to God and reaching out for His riches.  When I do that, I get the best of both worlds - spiritual glory and earthly necessities.

Goals check-in

What-ho!

Given that it is half way through March, I thought this would be as good a time as any to check in on my February goals...

They were:

Finish Harry Potter #5
Project365 & BibleYear
Try 3 new recipes
Run at least 12 times
Don't buy any CD's, mp3's, DVD's or books

I have now completed all of the Harry Potters, so that goal = check.

I have continued with my two every-day-for-a-year goals, so check.

I lose track of which recipes I tried when, but I have definitely been cooking for myself more than I did in 2008. I'm going to call this one a check.

I got a cold and got lazy so I have NOT been exercising much. So that goal = blarg

I didn't buy any new media! Not even since March started! so that one = check.

I didn't make any new goals for March. I was lost in other things at the time, I guess.

I did, however, make some commitments for Lent this year.  I grew up in a Southern Baptist church. I don't know if all SB churches do it this way, but ours never mentioned Lent. So my exposure to that part of the church calendar has been relatively recent.

For some reason, I felt compelled to observe Lent somehow this year, and I was thinking about what that should look like for me when my pastor gave a sermon on the historical reasons and components of Lent.

According to my pastor, Lent should include three things: 

• Almsgiving (giving to poor)
• Prayer
• Fasting
  

So with that guide, and the ideas and themes that I had been musing over, I plotted out a roadmap for my observation of Lent.  Also according to my pastor, Lent is to be between each person and God. So while I have told a close friend or two about my commitments to hold me accountable, I haven't broadcast my goals, and I don't want to here either. But I do want to say that I have been contemplating simplicity in a materialistic society this year.  If you have any insights on living so that your camel could make it through the needle's eye here and now, I would love to hear them!

Comment away!

WWJD

This past weekend I watched Lars and The Real Girl, which I had been curious about since I saw a trailer for it about a year ago. 

The punch line of the story is that Lars treats a life-size, realistic, sex doll like a real person and his girlfriend.  Her name is Bianca.  The family doctor, who has training in psychiatry, advises Lars's (Lars' ?) brother and sister-in-law to play along. They agree, the brother reluctantly, and visit his church to make the priest and leadership aware of the situation and ask for their help.  The leadership, made up of several old people, have a problem with a sex doll and begin to refuse.  One spunky lady tries to convince them that it's no different from pretending that one guy's wife wasn't a kleptomaniac etc. and then the priest, wisely speaks up and asks "What would Jesus do?"

Lars and Bianca (the sex doll) are in church on Sunday. 

The rest of the movie is about the whole town playing along with Lars as he works out his issues with being an active member of a community and family. 

The whole thing could have easily been a farce, a harsh, unkind treatment of people with delusions.  Instead, we see a family, a church, a community, a person come together with compassion.  Each person faces some of their own struggles when confronted with Lars and Bianca, and each person manages to come out on the other side a better version of themselves. 

I highly recommend it.

frankie

I want a dog. 

I want a dog so badly that when I see one out and about, I begin the high-pitch-talking and the drooling one usually associates with my desire to have a baby.  I think I will name it Frankie.

My roommate of 3 years, Bethany, has had Ava for about as long as we have lived together, and she will be leaving me, and taking the dog with her, at some point this summer.  I will be sad.  Ava and I cuddle and play together. She greats me with much enthusiasm and gives me doggy kisses. 

And then we watched a bit of the Westminster Dog Show. Oh the dogs! Oh the Purina adopt-a-dog commercials!

So, I have been looking at dog breeds online lately when I should be working.  There are so many things to consider! How much money am I willing/able to pay? How much time am I willing to spend grooming, exercising, cleaning up after and training the dog? Where will I live - will I need a dog tolerant of cold AND heat? Will I have a yard that I can let the dog run around in, or will I need to take it on long walks every day?

All these questions, and the only answer I have figured out for sure is that I want a small dog. I do NOT want a purse dog - let's be clear, but I do want a dog small enough for me to pick up when necessary, and not large enough to knock anyone over.  Ava is pretty much the perfect size for that. She also does not shed much. Major bonus.

So. Dozens (if not hundreds) of dog breeds out there. Any suggestions, dog lovers?

in my dreams

I am on medication that makes me have crazy, detailed, vivid dreams.  Sometimes they are disturbing - like when I had my little sister with me on my honeymoon - other times they are just crazy - like when I worked at Best Buy and a guy had a heart attack, so I went to taco bell to get his wife a custom taco. Over the past month I have had more and more dreams that involve a certain male. They would make a great preteen romance story. Lots of significant looks and comments that need to be analyzed and discussed with one's friends. 

But last night, something happened in dream world that pushed us over the edge from significant looks and possibly-meaningful comments to an actual acknowledgement of feelings and the beginning of a relationship. It was rather sweet. He seemed surprised by the possibility of me - like he had never considered it but thought it was the most wonderful idea ever. (Is that a good thing or not?) I wrote him a letter that made him happy. He chose seats next to me, sat very close, and put his arm around me. I changed my facebook status to say we were in a relationship, worried that it was too soon, but he loved it. 

And then I woke up.

At least I made it through Valentine's Day sans self-pity and depression.

dying to self

Some people are easy to love. 

Some people are hard to love. 

I'm not talking about romantic love here - I'm talking about the love that will listen to the happy stories, the funny stories, the sad stories, and the painful stories equally willingly.  I'm talking about the love that values you as a human. Period. I'm talking about the love that will spend 3 hours to take you to and from the doctor's office. I'm talking about the love that passes over quirks and flaws to see the personality beneath. 

There are some people whose quirks are so prominent that they can fill your vision, if you let them, so that it is impossible to see and love the human beneath.  There are some people who seem so needy that it tires me to even think about helping them, loving them.  I would rather stick to loving and helping the people in my immediate circle of friends - people I already know and love.  But this is not how The Body is to work.  This is not how The Body is supposed to behave.  This is not how The Body is supposed to relate to each other. 

Scripture teaches us that we are to love sacrificially, as Jesus did.  I can tell myself this over and over, as I have done. I can preach to myself, I can reason with myself, I can make myself feel guilty for not doing things, but this will not be enough.  It is only through the transformation of my heart that I can love like this.  And it is only through divine intervention that my heart will be transformed. 

So the question is, am I brave enough to ask for it?

Cooking

I have tried my first new recipe for this month: Chicken with Roasted Sweet Potatoes.

It was very tasty! The combination of sweet potato, red onion, spinach, and lime juice was very interesting, and (a little unexpectedly) quite good! 

I made the following adjustments/observations:

• I had to nuke the sweet potatoes after peeling them so that I could slice them, and I think that cut down on the roasting time a bit 
• I didn't need to use an entire bag of spinach (which said it was 4 cups)
• I don't think it reheats well. 

But you know, when Real Simple says that something is an easy dinner, they're right!

February goals

• Finish Harry Potter #5
• Project365 & BibleYear
• Try 3 new recipes
• Run at least 12 times
• Don't buy any CD's, mp3's, DVD's or books

January Goals Check-in

To review, my 6 goals were: 

Write draft of motivation section of proposal
Buy NO more clothes
Continue with Project365
Continue with BibleYear
Try 3 new recipes (first one tonight, have ingredients for second)
Go to the gym at least 9 times (3x a week for remaining 3 weeks)

I am proud to report that I have met 5 out of 6!

Guess which one I didn't meet...

I did read several articles on motivation this month, meeting all of the weekly goals that I set, but I couldn't manage to sit down and write the draft.  But I did meet with my advisor yesterday, and she gave me a two week goal of doing an annotated bibliography/outline for that section. I can do that. 

I think my favorite goal was the food-related one.  I did try 3 new recipes (Tuscan Turkey & Beans, Southwestern Bean Medley served over rice, and Orecchiette with Roasted Broccoli and Walnuts). They were all very tasty.  I would recommend doing the Bean Medley for when you won't have many leftovers.  It's good, but if you eat it every day for a week, it gets old. And I would recommend steaming the broccoli half way before roasting it - the stalks started to turn black. 

I'm most proud of the working out goal.  I am going to go for the 9th time in just a few minutes, and I feel better about working out than any other get-fit-season in my life. By the end of the year, I hope that running will come naturally to me, and I won't have to make it a goal to meet.

thoughts on being robbed at planet fitness

All in all, I'm a fairly trusting person.  It is automatic for me to lock the car when I get out, but other than that, if I need to leave a door unlocked so that someone can get something out of our house, or pick up the dog, I'm ok with that.  I figure, who's going to steal from two graduate students? Really, you want our collection of games? Or our cheap dvd player/big box television? Really? You would break the law for that? If you're going to rob my house, breaking one of the many ground level windows would do the job.  Locking the door probably won't help much.

With lockers at the gym, I usually keep pants and/or a jacket, and my cheap-o bag.  The locker room is fairly busy, there are lots of lockers used without locks, and I've never heard of complaints before...So I usually stash my stuff, close the door and leave, trusting that no one will open a locker that isn't theirs, or that the other women in the room will notice someone rummaging through my things and say something.

And statistically speaking, what are the chances that MY home/locker would be picked out of all the ones in this town/locker room? 

But today, my locker was defiled. Someone opened my locker, moved aside my pants, rummaged through my bag, found my wallet, took the cash, and then put things back.  I didn't discover it till I had gotten home, and the gym has a no liability policy, so there is no hope of getting the money back.

And it was my fun money for the next month or so. It's not like I was going to use it to pay bills or buy groceries. Maybe to see a movie or get some Taco Bell...but nothing vital. So I haven't lost anything of major importance.

Except my rosy view of my fellow woman. My naivety.  My belief that I am too unimportant to steal from. And that's the part that upsets me the most. 

23 Things

I got tagged by one of my old nerd camp friends! (Hi, Fumiko!)

So. 

Things about me.

1. I really like how I feel when I manage a good run. Yesterday I got 4 miles total, running for half the time. It felt really good.
   
2. On the other hand, I don't like building up to the good runs. And I'm pretty good about rationalizing NOT running if I feel tired or am sick.
3. I recently started using www.dailymile.com to log my runs. And by recently, I mean last week. It's making me want to run a lot so I can log a lot of runs. :) Feel free to be my friend on the site. We can motivate each other!
4. My favorite art museum that I have visited is the Museum of Fine Art in Boston. It has many different types and sources of art, it is large enough to take a whole day, if you want, and small enough to not be too intimidating.  They change things often enough that I always find something new, but there is enough that seems familiar to be comforting to go back.
5. My love of the MFA may be linked to my love of Boston itself.  Boston is definitely large enough to be full of diversity and culture, but small enough that I love to walk around by myself. I'm not intimidated by it. 
6. I am rather intimidated by NYC.
7. I love teaching. I lose track of time while teaching, in some ways. I know when we've been going long enough for one class somehow, but it never feels like a full 50 or 80 min to me. 
8. I don't think about my problems while I'm teaching. That part especially rocks.
9. I got an iHome speaker/iPod dock for Christmas this year and my remote battery is already dead.
10. Cool thing I saw online: there's a lady who interviews people after near-death incidents like the Hudson river plane thing.  She says that people usually behave very calmly during things like that. I find that very intriguing. 
11. The thought of getting a tattoo seems less impossible to me lately than it used to. 
12. I love argyle socks. Especially knee-high argyles.
13. I started re-reading the Harry Potter books over break. I read the first four in quick succession.  I am back in NH now, and reading #5.  It's probably my least favorite because Harry is so emo and cranky the whole time, and I can't seem to get into it as easily as I did with the others. I am really looking forward to the last two though.
14. The first time I read the last book, I cried. Frequently.
15. I would really like to go back to Nassau, to my formerly orchard hotel. It has a pool, kitchenettes, snorkeling equipment to borrow, and a you cross the road and you're at the beach.
16. I re-read books, re-watch movies, and apparently want to re-visit vacations.
17. Re-doing something is comforting to me. Familiar ground. I know the lay of the land, so I am more at ease to truly experience it. 
18. But sometimes that means that I don't make new experiences because my time is taken up with re-doing the old ones.  For example, I have several new books that I could read in my spare time, but I am using it on Harry Potter.
19. I am really excited about teaching this semester. It's my second time doing Child Development and I feel like I've got my head wrapped around it a little better this time.  Which should make me a better teacher.
20. I function better with order imposed on my life. This semester, my only obligations with specific time commitments are my classes and office hours. I may need to get someone to impose some more time commitments on me.
21. I like to buy books in sets.  If I get one of a series in paperback, then I like to get the rest of the series in paperback with the same design. Makes things feel complete.
22. Once I carved out a space half the driveway wide and one car length long for my roommate's return from a trip after a heavy snowfall.  My shoulders and arms were sore as all get-out the next day, but I was so proud of myself and my visible accomplishment.
23. The neighbors are taking care of the driveway this winter, but I have placed the responsibility of keeping the front porch clear for the postal workers on my own shoulders.

There. I have submitted 23 things about me for your perusal and, I hope, approval.

jan12

jan12
Originally uploaded by pigstubs

I took a day trip to L.L. Bean with my friend Lucy. We both had things to return. After shopping, we got some chowder for lunch, tried to get some chocolates (the shop was closed. boo.), and then drove home. Good conversation, good music, good food, good friend.

1. The big boot!
2. Lucy and me in the bubble thing where you can look fish in the face.
3. Fuzzy picture of the fish.
4. The salt really built up on the car since it snowed this morning and yesterday.
5. Happy L.L. Bean bags in the back seat.
6. Construction going on (sort of) at one of the toll booths.
7. Sign.
8. Paying a toll. I can't believe that guy wasn't wearing some kind of gloves.

jan11

jan11
Originally uploaded by pigstubs

My dad introduced me to Moleskines a few years ago.
Since 2006, I have had an unbroken line of Moleskines. I usually have at least two going at once. I'm on my third year of large size daily planners that I use as journals, not planners. Right now, I have one daily planner/journal, one weekly planner (horizontal + notes) that I actually use as a planner, and one red lined notebook that I use to take notes at church and such.

I really like how sleek and uncluttered they are. I love how many varieties they come in. I love the elastic band they come with that so firmly keep them closed. I love the smooth feeling of the cover and the pages.

I'm a member of this flickr group, Moleskinerie. Most of the members use their moleskines for art. Not being that kind of artist, I just use mine for words, but not being an author or a poet, just personal journal-ish words, lists, schedules and the like.

So basically, I feel like I am using the journal of Van Gogh, Picasso, and Hemingway to write trivialities, but that won't stop me from using them!

January Goals

• Write draft of motivation section of proposal
• Buy NO more clothes
• Continue with Project365
• Continue with BibleYear
• Try 3 new recipes (first one tonight, have ingredients for second)
• Go to the gym at least 9 times (3x a week for remaining 3 weeks)

Made of strong stuff

jan6
Originally uploaded by pigstubs

There's this really cool group on flickr called Utata. The people that are most active in the group are really serious about photography. Someone presents a Salon every Sunday on a different photographer, the editorial staff chooses a photo every weekday to feature and write about, and challenges are presented for anyone to participate in.

One type of challenge is called Iron Photographer. These challenges are posted every couple of weeks or so, and always include three elements. As far as I can tell, two of the elements are objects you must include in the photo and one is a technical aspect to the photograph. The goal is to incorporate all three elements into a good picture. I've participated in a few before, but I kind of just slapped them together as soon as I thought of something. Many of the Utatans put a lot of thought, time, and effort into their submissions, and the results are highly creative and of high quality. It is really cool to look at how other people interpret some of the challenges.

The most recent Iron Photographer challenge, #65, included a button-having shirt, something you would find at a child's birthday party, and square format.

This is the first Iron Photographer that I have participated in because I had a good idea of what I wanted to do before I decided to do it. Before, I decided to participate and then had to come up with a way to incorporate the 3 elements. I knew that I had this wonderful shirt that had buttons, I knew that I had some leftover Happy Birthday napkins and a tablecloth somewhere, and I thought a good way to combine them was to have someone eagerly awaiting the delivery of birthday cake at a party. I have some medium format cameras that I could use to have a square format originally, but then I'd have to wait for the film to be developed, and I don't think those cameras work with my tripod. So I used my new camera (Fujifilm Finepix J10. I really like it.) and then Picnik to crop the photo to a square.

Done, and done!

losing track

C.S. Lewis, I am 99.9% confident, was the guy who said that perhaps the reason we lose track of time is because we were made for a place outside of time.  I re-read the Chronicles of Narnia in 2008, and I always found myself crying because of the beauty and simplicity of the way he explained things like prayer - or the Narnian equivalent of them - so that children could understand them.  Apparently my granddaddy was like that. I wish I could have talked to him more now that I'm older...

Over Christmas break, I started reading the Wrinkle in Time series by Madeline L'Engle.  I've read the first four of the quintet now.  The children in these stories tesser - they jump across space and/or time.  They sing with the stars, talk to angels, they witness the creation of the world.  And these books are getting better as I go along.  I'm about to start the 5th one now, and since I stayed up till 3am to finish _Many_Waters_ and it was so good.  I shed a tear or two at the beauty of it.  If I had been willing to pause long enough to reach for a pen, I would have underlined so much of the last few chapters.  Anyway, good books. Read them. 

Since I got home from home for Christmas break (do I need a post about how I refer to Florence as home when I'm in Dover and vice versa when I'm vice versa?), I've been losing track of which home I'm in.  I'll be drowsy downstairs and think "yeah, it's time to go up to bed" but the bed I'm thinking of is the little twin bed in Florence and not the nice big queen bed in Dover.  I'll be doing my nails in Dover and think I'm doing my nails in Florence.  Sometimes I'll even start to talk to my mom...This morning when I was in that half-awake state of being, I thought I was in Florence and my roommate downstairs in Dover was my mom AND my dad (talented girl, huh?) doing their morning thing in Florence.  Basically, if my mind is elsewhere (half asleep, half awake, focusing on creating perfectly rounded fingernails, etc.) I have the ability to lose track of space.

So apparently, I'm not created for space or time. 

Maybe?

Cheesy reflections on the past year post

previously mentioned desk.
Originally uploaded by pigstubs

This past year I discovered more about my preferences and thus, myself (see previous post on the internet).
I found my perfect watch.
I found my perfect everyday shoes.
I got a macbook and love it.
I fell in love with an old pentax 35mm camera.
I found my perfect earrings and then lost one.

I started wearing makeup on days other than weddings, and found some I can apply all by myself!

I got a haircut and some product that makes my hair look grown up. 

I fell even more in love with my fake niece.
I realized that I don't really like some of the furniture that I picked out 4 years ago.
I now know that I feel best in my home when it is regularly cleaned.
I also feel best in a home that is lived in. I do not need to have everything put away and cleared out to be comfortable.

So my pleasantly cluttered desk is an extension of me. I present it for your examination. What do you learn about me from it?