in less than 3 months i will be 24.
as of today, i have not been kissed.
on the lips.
a real kiss.
ever.
i can't believe it.
sometimes it just hits me. and i wonder how i got here.
i don't regret it really.
maybe i can regret not opening myself up more - to more possibilities for love, for example.
but looking back, none of those guys would have been right for me.
and now, the kiss, has become such a big thing in my mind that now i can't just go kiss anyone. not, really that i'm like that...i'm just saying that it would have to be someone really, really, really special.
i feel alone.
5.31.2005
5.18.2005
planners
i love getting new planners.
the pristine pages. the whole year laid out before you with so much opportunity.
i'm ready to get a new one.
i don't know that the 2005-2006 ones would be out yet.
*sigh*
anticipation....
the pristine pages. the whole year laid out before you with so much opportunity.
i'm ready to get a new one.
i don't know that the 2005-2006 ones would be out yet.
*sigh*
anticipation....
5.17.2005
clothes
when i was in middle/early high school, i loved the weekends. i would put on colorful socks, (differently) colorful nylon shorts, and this button down shirt that had a huge, fall colored plaid pattern. my sister was mildly ashamed to be seen with me around the neighborhood.
to school, i would wear red pants and a striped shirt.
i was my own woman. i had a fashion sense all of my own.
altered a bit in college. relied mostly on cute little tshirts and jeans. occasionally, i would throw on a crazy shirt with some nice pants. i loved tshirts and skirts in the summer.
now, my style has condensed a bit into what i really like, and what i think will fly around the department.
i have these great little red flats that i wear with everything. I have brown pants with really wide legs that are quickly becoming a staple of my wardrobe. in the winter, i wear lots of layers of bright colors. collared shirts and ties with a tissue t over it. i have a little blue tweed blazer that i also wear with everything. i still wear skirts and random shirts and flip flops in the summer.
recently, i was shopping for a new shirt while i was wearing those big legged brown pants. the shirt was one of those spagetti strapped, tight at the top, frilly at the bottom shirts. i showed my friend how the shirt really looks good with the pants and even with a tight little jacket on top.
my friend, who i wouldn't really think of as a conservative dresser, was amazed at my outfit. she thought it was really cute, but basically didnt' think she could pull it off.
the last few years, i've been getting these comments a lot. i don't understand. why do some people - a lot of people - don't think they could "pull off" certain things? i understand about body shape and certain colors on certain people...but i don't understand why some people automatically assume that certain clothes aren't for them.
i know that clothes are supposed to be an expression of a person's individuality, but why don't people think they can wear the clothes they like?
to school, i would wear red pants and a striped shirt.
i was my own woman. i had a fashion sense all of my own.
altered a bit in college. relied mostly on cute little tshirts and jeans. occasionally, i would throw on a crazy shirt with some nice pants. i loved tshirts and skirts in the summer.
now, my style has condensed a bit into what i really like, and what i think will fly around the department.
i have these great little red flats that i wear with everything. I have brown pants with really wide legs that are quickly becoming a staple of my wardrobe. in the winter, i wear lots of layers of bright colors. collared shirts and ties with a tissue t over it. i have a little blue tweed blazer that i also wear with everything. i still wear skirts and random shirts and flip flops in the summer.
recently, i was shopping for a new shirt while i was wearing those big legged brown pants. the shirt was one of those spagetti strapped, tight at the top, frilly at the bottom shirts. i showed my friend how the shirt really looks good with the pants and even with a tight little jacket on top.
my friend, who i wouldn't really think of as a conservative dresser, was amazed at my outfit. she thought it was really cute, but basically didnt' think she could pull it off.
the last few years, i've been getting these comments a lot. i don't understand. why do some people - a lot of people - don't think they could "pull off" certain things? i understand about body shape and certain colors on certain people...but i don't understand why some people automatically assume that certain clothes aren't for them.
i know that clothes are supposed to be an expression of a person's individuality, but why don't people think they can wear the clothes they like?
5.14.2005
ruby slippers
i have these little red flats that i wear to the office a lot. one of the professors has taken to calling me dorothy and asking me if i'm going to start clicking my heels together and go back to kansas.
tonight i got some flowers at the grocery store. the bouquet was called 'ruby slippers.'
tonight i got some flowers at the grocery store. the bouquet was called 'ruby slippers.'
REAL name
i'm watching X2 right now, and Eric Lensherr/Magneto was talking to one of the kids...
one of the most fascinating things to me about heaven is the fact that we will get a stone on it with our real name on it.
and since our names are related to who we are, especially in some other cultures, my new name will help me discover who i was truly made to be.
in x2, the mutants were not allowed to be themselves when they were living at home. they had to go by the name their parents gave them and hide their gifts. but when they discover their gifts and how best to use them, they get a name based on their gifts. a name that tells more about who they really are.
i wonder what my name will be.
Magneto: What's your name?
Kid: John
Magneto: What's your real name, John?
*pause*
John: Pyro
one of the most fascinating things to me about heaven is the fact that we will get a stone on it with our real name on it.
To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. (Revelation 2:17)it's fascinating to me because so many times i don't feel like i'm being myself. i'm not being all i could be, i'm not being true to myself.
and since our names are related to who we are, especially in some other cultures, my new name will help me discover who i was truly made to be.
in x2, the mutants were not allowed to be themselves when they were living at home. they had to go by the name their parents gave them and hide their gifts. but when they discover their gifts and how best to use them, they get a name based on their gifts. a name that tells more about who they really are.
i wonder what my name will be.
5.12.2005
secret, secret
look at this:
ever since i saw this, i've been thinking about what i could contribute. the rules say that it has to be something you've never told anyone. i think i've told at least one person all of my secrets.
i'll have to see what i can come up with.
it would definitely be fun to do a collage for it.
ever since i saw this, i've been thinking about what i could contribute. the rules say that it has to be something you've never told anyone. i think i've told at least one person all of my secrets.
i'll have to see what i can come up with.
it would definitely be fun to do a collage for it.
sexuality
People ask straight girls/guys who they'd go gay for.
do homosexuals ever get asked who they'd go straight for?
just curious.
do homosexuals ever get asked who they'd go straight for?
just curious.
rant
i'm a graduate student. i should enjoy, or at least tolerate, research.
i don't.
i really just want to be a teacher. of college students. people who, supposedly, actually want to be there. i need a phd to do that, so here i am.
one of my TA assignments is to do some research. for a project that isn't mine. and, like always, i have procrastinated on it. she needs it tomorrow, and i just started looking today. i'm such a slacker. i may appear to have it all together, but when it counts, i slack off.
anyway, i don't know how to find information on this one topic i'm supposed to be researching. i can't use my normal database because it's just psychology stuff. i need crime reporting information. so i can't just look in the psych databases. but when i use the broad one, i get newspaper articles, and the new yorker magazine articles...nothing i can use. when i do see something good...it's from AUSTRALIA or the UK!!! now, those countries are, i'm sure, wonderful. nothing against them. i just don't need reported crime stats from them right now.
i'm really just mad at myself.
and my lack of research skills.
i think it's time to go work on something else.
i don't.
i really just want to be a teacher. of college students. people who, supposedly, actually want to be there. i need a phd to do that, so here i am.
one of my TA assignments is to do some research. for a project that isn't mine. and, like always, i have procrastinated on it. she needs it tomorrow, and i just started looking today. i'm such a slacker. i may appear to have it all together, but when it counts, i slack off.
anyway, i don't know how to find information on this one topic i'm supposed to be researching. i can't use my normal database because it's just psychology stuff. i need crime reporting information. so i can't just look in the psych databases. but when i use the broad one, i get newspaper articles, and the new yorker magazine articles...nothing i can use. when i do see something good...it's from AUSTRALIA or the UK!!! now, those countries are, i'm sure, wonderful. nothing against them. i just don't need reported crime stats from them right now.
i'm really just mad at myself.
and my lack of research skills.
i think it's time to go work on something else.
bed
"Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of."it was so hard to get out of bed this morning. it has been warmer (yay spring!) so i turned the heat completely off in my apt. i didn't get too hot or too cold, i have freshly shaven legs and a big bed to stretch out in.
*sigh*
but the semester isn't quite over. i have research to do and a paper to write. and i have today and a few hours tomorrow to do this.
and i have to get an allergy shot.
wooooo....
5.11.2005
photos
i have a pic that i took of myself from a side mirror on a car. a friend just told me that it makes me look self-consciously cool. as in, i know i'm cool.
i'm always interested in pics of myself.
sometimes my nose scrunches up, and i think it looks like a beak. so i tried not to do that for this particular pic. apparently i was too relaxed.
and usually, i'm the one behind the camera, so i just don't have that many pics of myself.
i'm really fond of candid shots. i really like seeing people as they are naturally. but you can't do that to yourself.
and usually when other people try to get me candidly, i'm aware of the camera in the room, and i can see the that a pic is about to happen, so it's never truly candid.
speaking of pics...here's one of the stuff that is finally all gone. and i'm glad.
i'm always interested in pics of myself.
sometimes my nose scrunches up, and i think it looks like a beak. so i tried not to do that for this particular pic. apparently i was too relaxed.
and usually, i'm the one behind the camera, so i just don't have that many pics of myself.
i'm really fond of candid shots. i really like seeing people as they are naturally. but you can't do that to yourself.
and usually when other people try to get me candidly, i'm aware of the camera in the room, and i can see the that a pic is about to happen, so it's never truly candid.
speaking of pics...here's one of the stuff that is finally all gone. and i'm glad.
'ello
welcome to my new blog. i'm not going to advertize this one, so if you stumble across it, welcome!
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