I'm horny. I'm lonely.
Tonight, more than anything, I want to be held. I want to be held close by someone who loves me. But I'd settle for someone who just wants to hold me.
I'm angry that I'm stuck in a system that grants me my feelings and desires as good, but will not let me fulfill them. I am frustrated and lonely and stiff from never completely relaxing.
I hate bedtime now because it means that I have to go up to my ill-proportioned room to get in my big bed all alone and try to quiet my thoughts long enough to sleep. It does not come easily.
And I feel stuck in this system because I know that if I stray from it, I will not be satisfied. I may feel better for a little while, but it does me no good in the long run. I know that to be fulfilled I must wait for the man who will be worth it. And I haven't found him yet. I'm tired of waiting, but I don't want to settle. Not really.
So I answer my own complaint, but I am not fulfilled.
